


Bitter Need

by Malind



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, M/M, Masochism, Sexual Content, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2019-03-22 21:59:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13773426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malind/pseuds/Malind
Summary: The thoughts and memories just won't stop. Takes place during their first time together in the game.





	Bitter Need

Calloused fingers slid up Fenris' sweat-dampened, trembling torso and then rubbed the strings of cum into his skin.  The gentleness of it... 

Fenris fought down a growl even as he breath caught, his cock still twitching from his release.  Hawke's touch was too gentle, too kind, too knowledgeable in how to touch a body.  The human's touch told Fenris he was far from Hawke's first lover.

Truly, that touch should have been enough.  It should have been more than enough.  All of Fenris' secondhand knowledge of consensual sexual relationships told him so.  But his ridiculous mind wanted something far different, something that would burn, hurt, torment, make him scream. 

...Like how he used scream at the hand of his master who enjoyed his screams.  Because wanting it made so much more sense to his cock. 

He hated his body's desires.  But he couldn't stop them.

_Help me, why can't I stop this need for something I don't want?  I don't want it.  I don't._

If Hawke had known what this perverse part of him wanted, a part that ensured an inherent, forceful abuse of Fenris' body and mind, would he have given it to him?  Maybe.  But the gentleness said no.  And Fenris knew he should have been grateful for that.

Succumbing to the hand's rhythm, Fenris' eyes drooped until they closed as he listened to Hawke's breaths quiet behind him as the human lulled himself to sleep. Still, endless memories drove spikes into Fenris' mind despite how he ran from them faster than he could chase them.  His throat tightened as his teeth gritted at the realization that those memories as a slave felt more like home than this human's arms, even more home than the brief flashes of memories that had overwhelmed him only minutes before with their coupling.

It was foolishness to let his memories have their way with him. What he'd had back then at any point of enslaved life, he'd never regain, didn't want it again, so it was pointless to dwell on it. 

What he had now....

...Did he want any of this either? He wasn't sure.

And who could really say which was better?  The obvious answer was to say now was better and he wanted to thrash his mind for even questioning it.  But, again, tell that to his cock that knew its answer.

The caressing hand slipped lower and gave the former slave's partially hard length another tug. Fenris couldn't help his responsive shudder.  The kiss to the back of his neck didn't help either.

Fenris' mind flittered briefly over the lovers Hawke must have had before him, over the life he must have had as a free man.  Could the human ever truly understand what he'd gone through?  Did he himself?

"You're tense," Hawke whispered behind him, his lips feathering against Fenris' skin

At the words, Fenris realized just how tense he was.  As if he ever truly relaxed.  Although, now, he knew there had been he'd been carefree, even if the flitting memories had vanished from his mind.  He tried to thrust that acknowledgement away because it was torture and not the heated kind.

"Will you tell me..." Hawke started.

Fenris tensed to the point of straining.

Hawke blew out a breath that moistened and heated Fenris' suddenly chilled skin. "Will I always be risking my life when I touch you?"

Fenris swallowed at the words, his throat tightening, as he remembered how he'd almost attacked the man less than an hour before.  "I would never think to hurt you," he said back just as quietly. 

Did either of them believe those words?

Maybe, as Hawke's hand began to stroke him again with a growing affection, bringing more blood to harden what the human held.

But the moment lengthened and human didn't reply, only lightly scraped at the back of Fenris' neck with his teeth, seeming bent on distracting them both.  With the silence, Fenris was sure Hawke didn't believe him.  He didn't truly believe it himself no matter how much he wished otherwise.  He'd come dangerously close to crushing this man's heart, literally, like he'd done to others, far too many others, because he'd feared, because he'd hated.  He'd almost done it to Hawke only because the human had told Fenris he didn't have to go.  Where was the sanity in that?

Was this rage inside of him going to eventually be the death of everyone he loved and hated? He feared so and that knowledge was agonizing.

When he felt Hawke's cock enter him again, sliding in easily with the aid of the oil and cum already inside of him, his agony, his ferocious need, was joined with something he was sure was akin to bliss.  But was it?  He really couldn't be sure.  Maybe he would be sure when he came again.

...Probably not.  But he'd certainly try to be.


End file.
